Experiment Thoughts

I can't believe we're already halfway through the season of Seven Year Switch. It's incredible to be able to see what the other couples were going through while I was having my own wild experience. One thing that catches my eye is that I'm the only one struggling with getting the other to open up. It's interesting that all three other couples are sharing with each other openly and diving right in to be able to fully engage in the experiment. This reminds me it is not a gender thing and plenty of men are able to share who they are and connect on a deeper level! I already knew this because I connect with all three of my brothers easily, and CW is able to go there under certain conditions which is why he's opening up to Danielle. He's relaxed, has no stress, and has physical and even emotional energy on vacation. That is why I always look forward to vacation. But again, that can't sustain a marriage to connect twice a year.

My journey was unique in that I had a wall to break through before I could even begin the experiment! That wall being Eric's not showing himself and not sharing with me. But, in spite of and because of this, that extra struggle taught me many lessons. So now the wall is down and Eric is sharing more of himself. He kept telling me there were many more sides to him but that "we weren't there yet." I've realized that this too, is a form of subtle control. When one person withholds a part of themselves knowingly, they are in control of the relationship and the level of closeness that can be attained. In some ways this is acceptable in dating, where you slowly build trust and then open up, but in a marriage, you can't have that. You can't control the relationship and also sustain it. The brilliance of me being matched with Eric, is that it pointed out that you don't have to be working a very demanding job to be emotionally unavailable. Eric didn't have the demands of a Fortune 500 company as an excuse to not be able to connect. There really is no excuse. If you're withholding and not allowing your spouse into your inner world, you are in some instances saying you don't love them. And controlling how much you let someone know you forms an unequal and starved marriage. 

 

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