Unspoken Club

Survivors of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, psychopaths, narcissists, controllers, and master manipulators are part of a worldwide unspoken club. I’ve been thinking about you, how you found my blog, registered, and most likely understand this type of language in a very personal way. I feel honored to have you in my corner. I’m also incensed that the very struggle and abuse I’ve been traumatized with might have also been doled out to you in a similar or varying form. How horribly unlucky we’ve been, and yet, how incredibly blessed we are at the same time. Our eyes have been opened. We are stronger now than ever before. We will not fall prey to the emotionally paralyzed predators of the world again. We have an advantage now to have come so close to evil and darkness, and to be able to choose light and love while remaining on guard for evil. We couldn’t have known that emotionally paralyzed predators (EPPs) were roaming our churches, workplace, communities, online dating services, etc., seeking out the most kindhearted, compassionate, empathetic individual they could find.  When they found us, we were successful, confident, full of self-esteem, and strong. The terrible misconception that we were somehow weak, feeling low worth, or so flawed to have been fooled, is one that we need to abolish completely. Abuse is one-sided and can happen to anyone.  The EPP does not get the power high he or she seeks from bringing down an already powerless person. The target would be too easy and would not give him or her the satisfaction and thrill of the game. The EPP wants someone who will come crashing down so far to the lowest self-esteem possible and the further down, the more filled up they become. If the EPP chose someone already down, they would not have far to go to hit bottom. The very fact that you are so capable and have so many qualities the EPP will never have or understand, makes you the perfect target for his or her desires.
 
How is this a benefit to us? That we’ve tread waters so deep and intrepid we came so close to drowning ourselves, and we’re still here. We’re still alive. Picking up the pieces and angry that we were sucked in by an emotional vampire. Let’s just begin by taking it as a compliment that we were chosen. That something about our empathetic gift and compassionate kindhearted personality was a treasure. If it was such a treasure to one of the emptiest souls on earth, how much more of a treasure should it be to us? I venture to say very much more! So thank you, EPPs of the world, for teaching us exactly who we don’t want to be.  And thank you for reminding us that we are worthwhile and our intuitive and sensitive nature is to be cherished as a rare and precious gift. Now that we’ve encountered evil in human form, we have the knowledge to navigate life in a much more profoundly wise way. Where we once had good boundaries, we now have exceptional boundaries. Where we once tolerated a little bit of toxic behavior here, a little there, we have the awareness to eradicate all forms of toxic connections in every aspect of our lives. The opportunity to walk through life in a 50% fraudulent loving relationship has tapped us into the inner workings of the spiritual world that not everybody is privy to.  We now have antennas that alert us to every possible dark intention. At whatever point you are in your life, this is the right time for change. This is the time to shed our old selves and the innocence that went along with it. We were not naive or innocent in a childlike way before encountering the EPP, we were only “innocent” in that we could not have imagined a walking human evil being outside of a thriller film or an epic imaginary fairy tale we’ve heard our whole lives. After this innocence or lack of awareness is shed, we see and know fully what people who choose to live in darkness are capable of. It’s probably happened to each and every one of us who are gathering now by someone close to us we trusted implicitly. Before my EPP, I had no idea there was something so horrific possible disguised in a loving facade. After my EPP, I am certain there is no sense of being alone that could come anywhere close to the loneliness of the EPPs black hole non-love. To live a life alone and in service of other people would be far more rewarding any day. During my EPP, I came face to face with what it truly is to be alone. It is not depression as is generally experienced by the clinically depressed person. This type of emptiness goes much further into hell. A victim of an EPP must have first coined the phrase, “I’ve been to hell and back.” For when you’re lonely, you still have hope and light and life inside your soul. When you’re alone with an EPP, your spirit is snuffed out and the void you feel is dangerously close to death.
 

8 comments

  • Jennifer Trethewey

    Jennifer Trethewey

    Love and light to you, Rachel.

    Love and light to you, Rachel.

  • Amy

    Amy

    So beautifully written. The waves of reality swell and pummel me under water and I am held down by the force of the waves with emotions so strong, so powerful, so gut-wrenching that, at times, I'm not certain I will survive the grief. Having been through the worst of the tsunami, I reach for the tools in my toolbox with strength being the greatest of the tools and I am able to get myself right-side up again. Light and love to you, Rachel. ~Amy

    So beautifully written. The waves of reality swell and pummel me under water and I am held down by the force of the waves with emotions so strong, so powerful, so gut-wrenching that, at times, I'm not certain I will survive the grief. Having been through the worst of the tsunami, I reach for the tools in my toolbox with strength being the greatest of the tools and I am able to get myself right-side up again. Light and love to you, Rachel. ~Amy

  • Rachel Farris

    Rachel Farris

    Thank you, Jennifer. xoxo

    Thank you, Jennifer. xoxo

  • Rachel Farris

    Rachel Farris

    Amy, thanks for sharing your heart. Light and love to you as well. ~Rachel

    Amy, thanks for sharing your heart. Light and love to you as well. ~Rachel

  • mm

    mm

    I spent 20 years in a marriage to an EPP. When I finally left he lashed out with 10+ years of litigation to continue to bash me financially since I was no longer allowing him to crush me personally. Thank you for your words~ they resonate. I will tell you that I spent many years healing, but each day I grew stronger and my spirit lighten. Today I have a wonderful man in my life who loves, supports and celebrates me. I now know what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. It takes time but real love in life is there for all of us. xo

    I spent 20 years in a marriage to an EPP. When I finally left he lashed out with 10+ years of litigation to continue to bash me financially since I was no longer allowing him to crush me personally. Thank you for your words~ they resonate. I will tell you that I spent many years healing, but each day I grew stronger and my spirit lighten. Today I have a wonderful man in my life who loves, supports and celebrates me. I now know what a healthy relationship looks and feels like. It takes time but real love in life is there for all of us. xo

  • Erica Mary

    Erica Mary

    These words have been true in my life as well! You expressed exactly what my experience has been. Three and a half years ago I got out of very similar relationship and I promise that it does get better. I have learned that there are people out there that can love you in a healthy way and being physically alone is so much better than being alone with your partner next to you. Being single has been amazing for me and I wish you the best in the next chapter of your life! Thank you for being brave enough to share :)

    These words have been true in my life as well! You expressed exactly what my experience has been. Three and a half years ago I got out of very similar relationship and I promise that it does get better. I have learned that there are people out there that can love you in a healthy way and being physically alone is so much better than being alone with your partner next to you. Being single has been amazing for me and I wish you the best in the next chapter of your life! Thank you for being brave enough to share smile

  • psalex

    psalex

    Brave woman: you have lovingly unbound yourself. Your gift of your enlightenment will be your resolve to not just settle, but to attract the love of a future partner who carries the self-esteem to forever cherish and cheer you on for exactly who you are. As you've seen, hurt people hurt people. You were so introspective on SYI. Sharing a moment of your journey there and here is bold, and surely helpful to you and countless others. Now, go lick your wounds, allow them to heal a bit, and proudly lean forward into a more harmonious future. Good for you, dear one. All my best, from a baby-boomer male.

    Brave woman: you have lovingly unbound yourself. Your gift of your enlightenment will be your resolve to not just settle, but to attract the love of a future partner who carries the self-esteem to forever cherish and cheer you on for exactly who you are. As you've seen, hurt people hurt people. You were so introspective on SYI. Sharing a moment of your journey there and here is bold, and surely helpful to you and countless others. Now, go lick your wounds, allow them to heal a bit, and proudly lean forward into a more harmonious future. Good for you, dear one. All my best, from a baby-boomer male.

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    Hang in there, Rachel. I've walked your painful path to find more love and inner strength than I could ever have imagined along the way. I actually hadn't set out to watch your show until I landed on your story while channel surfing. I found myself frozen to the series and the familiar clarity of your dynamic with CW. By series end, when I learned you chose to stay in your marriage, I had to search the web in hopes that you eventually gained the strength and insight to save yourself from such a poisonous marriage. Kudos to you. Believe in yourself. Know that you have every resource and character trait necessary to survive this abusive marriage and thrive. I'll hold a light for you on the other end. Marci

    Hang in there, Rachel. I've walked your painful path to find more love and inner strength than I could ever have imagined along the way. I actually hadn't set out to watch your show until I landed on your story while channel surfing. I found myself frozen to the series and the familiar clarity of your dynamic with CW. By series end, when I learned you chose to stay in your marriage, I had to search the web in hopes that you eventually gained the strength and insight to save yourself from such a poisonous marriage. Kudos to you. Believe in yourself. Know that you have every resource and character trait necessary to survive this abusive marriage and thrive. I'll hold a light for you on the other end. Marci

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