Why I did Switch Therapy 

Switch Therapy is not for everyone, but was an amazing opportunity for me. I often found myself in the middle of arguments, friction, emotional anguish, and grief, and couldn’t name the reason. Was I really too demanding? Were the needs I expressed to my husband asking too much? If we go to a counselor will they be able to see the dynamic that baffles me and keeps me feeling suppressed? I longed for validation of my experience. I also wanted to know I wasn’t crazy. That what I felt was real and my experience and perception could be trusted. I needed to step away to be able to comprehend what was going on in our relationship, not what I was told was going on.
 
For example, when I tell my husband that I feel like I have to keep my feelings in to keep him from becoming angry, he often says he has to do the same thing for me. It makes me think we’re both doing the same thing for each other, and there must not be anything wrong with our relationship. I tell him on other occasions that sometimes his negative energy rubs off on me, making me feel on edge. He says he has to walk on eggshells around me also and that he can never do anything right.  I shift my focus on trying not to make him feel he doesn’t do anything right. This is a controlling tactic called countering that Patricia Evans explains in her book Controlling People. Once you’ve been acted upon and blamed for the very wrong you were standing up against, you feel like you’re the difficult one.
 
In specific circumstances, not doing switch therapy could be the most devastating missed opportunity for the marriage. If there are harmful behaviors that go unchecked in a relationship, they can ultimately destroy it. There are therapists who counsel couples for years and never get a look into the true dynamic of a relationship behind closed doors. What if there’s a habit in the relationship that never comes up because you’re unable to name it? For example, you can say, “we fight too much.”  The therapist can help you feel better reminding you all couples deal with the same issues. But with expert eyes that watch an organic confrontation, the “fight” takes on a new definition.  It’s not just a fight like most couples have. There’s something else. What process exists in traditional therapy to get down to the real arguments that happen in the kitchen late at night? Who will uncover the unseen psychological boundary violations? 
 
Think of how many of us grew up in families that taught us ways of relating that we had no clue were so damaging. Sometimes it takes us a lifetime to figure out these issues from our early years and stop projecting them onto our loved ones. With so much to learn about our spouse and ourselves before we can even hope to flourish in a marriage, there should be more education and preparation to get us off to a decent start. There are certain cases where you can’t rely on personal growth at a day-to-day pace. There are times when something radical is needed to intervene. Seven Year Switch is not for everyone, but certain marriages all over the world could largely benefit from this rare and unconventional process of change.  
 

23 comments

  • GR

    GR

    A whole forum devoted to the switch show is waiting for a response as to why you were ok with CW's blatant lie? Deception is never ok!

    A whole forum devoted to the switch show is waiting for a response as to why you were ok with CW's blatant lie? Deception is never ok!

  • Susan

    Susan

    Rachel, From what you're saying, CW is manipulating your feelings by throwing your openness back at you saying you make him seek the same. No acknowledgement that he hears you feel a certain way. Instead, he bounces the ball back in your court. That's a typical, psychological, head games. Believe me because I lived it. It's unhelpful when CW is controlling even to the therapists. How can good advice be given if they are not able to witness it. CW speaks out and states, "Oh, I'm sorry but we're not going to be able to do that," he says, with his hand on your shoulder. To me, it was not demonstrating love but covert dominance. I am so thankful to be out of a life so similar to that. I thank God for that person showing me just what was NOT acceptable behavior in a healthy relationship. Love and Peace~ Susan Veliz-Henry

    Rachel,

    From what you're saying, CW is manipulating your feelings by throwing your openness back at you saying you make him seek the same. No acknowledgement that he hears you feel a certain way. Instead, he bounces the ball back in your court. That's a typical, psychological, head games. Believe me because I lived it.
    It's unhelpful when CW is controlling even to the therapists. How can good advice be given if they are not able to witness it. CW speaks out and states, "Oh, I'm sorry but we're not going to be able to do that," he says, with his hand on your shoulder.
    To me, it was not demonstrating love but covert dominance.
    I am so thankful to be out of a life so similar to that.
    I thank God for that person showing me just what was NOT acceptable behavior in a healthy relationship.

    Love and Peace~

    Susan Veliz-Henry

  • Charisma

    Charisma

    Hey Rachel, With all that being said... We wonder if your husband is willing to go to counseling with you? Love your voice Rachel. Charismaheart@yahoo.com

    Hey Rachel,
    With all that being said...
    We wonder if your husband is willing to go to counseling with you?
    Love your voice Rachel.
    Charismaheart@yahoo.com

  • Latitia C

    Latitia C

    God bless you sweet girl. I wish you happiness and success.

    God bless you sweet girl. I wish you happiness and success.

  • Bekah

    Bekah

    Counseling can be a daunting process and I am the first to admit that the licensing wars between counselors, social workers (who are not trained to actually be counselors), marriage and family therapists and psychologists not to mention all of the unlicensed life coaches and divinity counselors out there make it even harder for the average person to figure out where to start but I promise you that with the right therapist you can accomplish a lot more than simply made to feel that you are not alone and that all couples argue. Although I generally despise reality TV, for some reason this show grabbed my attention, likely due to my career and I am well aware of the fact that editing occurs and people are made to look poorly just for the sake of ratings but if CW did lie to you about such a small thing, what larger issues is he hiding? My heart broke for you when he stated that "unfortunately" you wouldn't do the activity the therapists wanted you to engage in, it seemed not only controlling but an effort to cover up his lie. I personally would of confronted him in this situation and was disappointed the Dr's didn't. No matter what just remember you have a right to feel and to express them!

    Counseling can be a daunting process and I am the first to admit that the licensing wars between counselors, social workers (who are not trained to actually be counselors), marriage and family therapists and psychologists not to mention all of the unlicensed life coaches and divinity counselors out there make it even harder for the average person to figure out where to start but I promise you that with the right therapist you can accomplish a lot more than simply made to feel that you are not alone and that all couples argue. Although I generally despise reality TV, for some reason this show grabbed my attention, likely due to my career and I am well aware of the fact that editing occurs and people are made to look poorly just for the sake of ratings but if CW did lie to you about such a small thing, what larger issues is he hiding? My heart broke for you when he stated that "unfortunately" you wouldn't do the activity the therapists wanted you to engage in, it seemed not only controlling but an effort to cover up his lie. I personally would of confronted him in this situation and was disappointed the Dr's didn't. No matter what just remember you have a right to feel and to express them!

  • S

    S

    OMG. You just described my marriage. And what I've been unable to name. Ordering the book right now!

    OMG. You just described my marriage. And what I've been unable to name. Ordering the book right now!

  • CJ

    CJ

    I am currently in the same situation/dynamic with my partner. I worry things will never change and I feel muted 100% of the time. Thank you both for sharing your story so other's can understand and not feel alone. I hope it was enlightening to C.W. as well and he is able to transcend past negative behaviors. Many blessings.

    I am currently in the same situation/dynamic with my partner. I worry things will never change and I feel muted 100% of the time. Thank you both for sharing your story so other's can understand and not feel alone. I hope it was enlightening to C.W. as well and he is able to transcend past negative behaviors. Many blessings.

  • Courtknee

    Courtknee

    Hi Rachel, I am sure you have watched the last episode now where it shows CW lying to you about drinking, how are you handling that? Your eyes look dull and you spirit looks suppressed when you are around CW. When you were with Eric and your friend, just talking on the blanket.....your eyes had a sparkle and you looked so much more happier. I pray that you can find your voice with CW, otherwise this is a toxic relationship. I see so much potential that you have for a partner, just not CW.

    Hi Rachel,
    I am sure you have watched the last episode now where it shows CW lying to you about drinking, how are you handling that? Your eyes look dull and you spirit looks suppressed when you are around CW. When you were with Eric and your friend, just talking on the blanket.....your eyes had a sparkle and you looked so much more happier. I pray that you can find your voice with CW, otherwise this is a toxic relationship. I see so much potential that you have for a partner, just not CW.

  • Justme

    Justme

    I'm not big on divorce so therefore I'm not going to say things like for you to go and find someone better, or that You deserve to be happy etc. Something made you marry him, fall in love with him. And marriage is NOT to find your happiness! it is to find someone to GROW with. In good and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and in poor til death! Unless of course there's infidelity, (which many marriages have chosen to stick it through with much success) or if there's abuse. So From a married women's perspective on this I too was taken a back how he lied and how he immediately silenced you. But then you add the music and editing to a television show and it becomes even more dramatic. It's an edited show so that means a lot was left out. And its main goal is ratings NOT the health of a marriage! It just blows my mind and saddens me as to how quickly people form an opinion and feel the need to share it. Not even taking into consideration that another human, with feelings, that you don't know anything about, will be reading it! I'm sorry you've placed yourself for that to occur. Just now try your hardest to clear out the negativity. ALL marriages take time....a long time of learning and growing! It's a LIFETIME COVENANT.... AND commitment! Along that process is learning ways to make it better. Sometimes with much laughter but sometimes also with much tears. No marriage is perfect! None. Ask any couples that have been together for years. They'll tell you there are highs and lows. Focus on staying committed. Sadly in Today's world we are quick to rid ourselves of a marriage instead of making it work. Forgiveness is a huge part of it. But it does take 2 people to work at it AND time! It baffles me how people will never be quick to quit a job that they were talked down on or not happy at because they know "there's no perfect job." But yet they are quick to dissolve a marriage as soon as they are not happy. In a sense it's like raising children, it's beautiful but it's very very difficult. But we would never give up on our children because of our love and commitment to them for life. And because they are part of us. Same in marriage. It has to be driven by love and commitment for life. You are both part of each other....now known as one. Think about this, A marriage is bringing two imperfect people together! So I say speak up to your husband and wait for him to "catch up" in his weak areas. I'm sure you lack in an area that he's stronger in and so he needs to give you time as well to "catch up to him too". It's a process. But the most important thing in a marriage is communication and respecting what the other feels! I hope these words make you think of marriage in a different light. May God bless you and guide you both till the end! Remember when the going gets tough......Marriage IS WORK!

    I'm not big on divorce so therefore I'm not going to say things like for you to go and find someone better, or that You deserve to be happy etc. Something made you marry him, fall in love with him. And marriage is NOT to find your happiness! it is to find someone to GROW with. In good and bad, in sickness and in health, for richer and in poor til death! Unless of course there's infidelity, (which many marriages have chosen to stick it through with much success) or if there's abuse.
    So From a married women's perspective on this I too was taken a back how he lied and how he immediately silenced you. But then you add the music and editing to a television show and it becomes even more dramatic. It's an edited show so that means a lot was left out. And its main goal is ratings NOT the health of a marriage! It just blows my mind and saddens me as to how quickly people form an opinion and feel the need to share it. Not even taking into consideration that another human, with feelings, that you don't know anything about, will be reading it! I'm sorry you've placed yourself for that to occur. Just now try your hardest to clear out the negativity.
    ALL marriages take time....a long time of learning and growing! It's a LIFETIME COVENANT.... AND commitment! Along that process is learning ways to make it better. Sometimes with much laughter but sometimes also with much tears. No marriage is perfect! None. Ask any couples that have been together for years. They'll tell you there are highs and lows. Focus on staying committed. Sadly in Today's world we are quick to rid ourselves of a marriage instead of making it work. Forgiveness is a huge part of it. But it does take 2 people to work at it AND time! It baffles me how people will never be quick to quit a job that they were talked down on or not happy at because they know "there's no perfect job." But yet they are quick to dissolve a marriage as soon as they are not happy. In a sense it's like raising children, it's beautiful but it's very very difficult. But we would never give up on our children because of our love and commitment to them for life. And because they are part of us. Same in marriage. It has to be driven by love and commitment for life. You are both part of each other....now known as one. Think about this, A marriage is bringing two imperfect people together! So I say speak up to your husband and wait for him to "catch up" in his weak areas. I'm sure you lack in an area that he's stronger in and so he needs to give you time as well to "catch up to him too". It's a process. But the most important thing in a marriage is communication and respecting what the other feels! I hope these words make you think of marriage in a different light. May God bless you and guide you both till the end! Remember when the going gets tough......Marriage IS WORK!

  • sweetbiella

    sweetbiella

    Rachel, You need to look deep into yourself. If you had a daughter, will you want her to go through what you're going through? If you and CW end up having children they will grow up to eventually know that their dad is a control freak and might witness other "possible" things he might do to you. CW's type of behavior is the type that will "possibly" lead to physical violence and I hope "if" it ever reaches to that point you won't be weak enough to stay. On another note, if your family watched this show I'm very sure they had nothing good to say about CW. I wish you luck in your relationship

    Rachel,

    You need to look deep into yourself. If you had a daughter, will you want her to go through what you're going through? If you and CW end up having children they will grow up to eventually know that their dad is a control freak and might witness other "possible" things he might do to you. CW's type of behavior is the type that will "possibly" lead to physical violence and I hope "if" it ever reaches to that point you won't be weak enough to stay. On another note, if your family watched this show I'm very sure they had nothing good to say about CW.

    I wish you luck in your relationship

  • Diane

    Diane

    Very frustrating and sad to see...

    Very frustrating and sad to see...

  • Anonymous

    Anonymous

    Okay that's why you did the show. But when you stated you would blog about the show the next day, naturally we assumed you would discuss that horrible lie and the controlling issues from CW. Are you afraid to bring it up? Did he say you couldn't? We are all really curious as to how that was received by you and what he has to say now. I'm just really sorry you have to put up with his insecurities and childish behavior. You deserve better and I pray you realize that too.

    Okay that's why you did the show. But when you stated you would blog about the show the next day, naturally we assumed you would discuss that horrible lie and the controlling issues from CW. Are you afraid to bring it up? Did he say you couldn't? We are all really curious as to how that was received by you and what he has to say now.

    I'm just really sorry you have to put up with his insecurities and childish behavior. You deserve better and I pray you realize that too.

  • Amy

    Amy

    Sweet Rachel, You are SO talented and your bright inner light shined so radiantly during Switch Therapy. You are a person who appears to be very much alive, quite intuitive, sensitive, and very much tuned into people as well as your surroundings. It pained me to see your bright light dim when you returned home to CW. I presume it was less than 24 hours when the two of you were out to dinner conversing and sharing about alleged drinking during Switch Therapy? It appeared you still needed to process hurt feelings when he interrupted asking that "you two never bring that up again." I was shocked. I could almost feel the air being taken out of your sail as CW shut you down with his insistence that the topic not be broached again. Have you watched all of the episodes? I can't help but think that might give you another perspective, as well. It seems you have tremendous insight into some controlling tactics from reading Patricia Evans' book. Cloud and Townsend also have a few great books if you haven't read them: "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Another good book by the same authors: "Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I am in full agreement with Susan who posted: "It's unhelpful when CW is controlling even to the therapists. How can good advice be given if they are not able to witness it. CW speaks out and states, "Oh, I'm sorry but we're not going to be able to do that," he says, with his hand on your shoulder. To me, it was not demonstrating love but covert dominance." You made such an interesting point, Rachel: "Think of how many of us grew up in families that taught us ways of relating that we had no clue were so damaging. Sometimes it takes us a lifetime to figure out these issues from our early years and stop projecting them onto our loved ones. " Yes, indeed, it can take what feels like a lifetime to gain clarity into family dynamics and issues that have not served us in healthy ways. I've just come out of the refiners fire after two very painful years going no contact with some very controlling toxic family members. In order for me to have a voice and truly let my light shine, it was imperative that I let them go and release them with love. It has been the greatest gift I've ever given myself as I am free from unhealthy toxic controlling people I hung onto all in the name of "family." I wish you peace, happiness, a rich, full, balanced life, continued success and the gift of awareness and courage to (continue) to see clearly each and every day. I hope you're feeling the love and support from those of us who watched the show and want what's best for you based on what we saw. Light & Love to You! ~Amy B.

    Sweet Rachel,

    You are SO talented and your bright inner light shined so radiantly during Switch Therapy. You are a person who appears to be very much alive, quite intuitive, sensitive, and very much tuned into people as well as your surroundings. It pained me to see your bright light dim when you returned home to CW. I presume it was less than 24 hours when the two of you were out to dinner conversing and sharing about alleged drinking during Switch Therapy? It appeared you still needed to process hurt feelings when he interrupted asking that "you two never bring that up again." I was shocked. I could almost feel the air being taken out of your sail as CW shut you down with his insistence that the topic not be broached again.

    Have you watched all of the episodes? I can't help but think that might give you another perspective, as well. It seems you have tremendous insight into some controlling tactics from reading Patricia Evans' book. Cloud and Townsend also have a few great books if you haven't read them: "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Another good book by the same authors: "Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't," by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

    I am in full agreement with Susan who posted: "It's unhelpful when CW is controlling even to the therapists. How can good advice be given if they are not able to witness it. CW speaks out and states, "Oh, I'm sorry but we're not going to be able to do that," he says, with his hand on your shoulder. To me, it was not demonstrating love but covert dominance."

    You made such an interesting point, Rachel: "Think of how many of us grew up in families that taught us ways of relating that we had no clue were so damaging. Sometimes it takes us a lifetime to figure out these issues from our early years and stop projecting them onto our loved ones. " Yes, indeed, it can take what feels like a lifetime to gain clarity into family dynamics and issues that have not served us in healthy ways. I've just come out of the refiners fire after two very painful years going no contact with some very controlling toxic family members. In order for me to have a voice and truly let my light shine, it was imperative that I let them go and release them with love. It has been the greatest gift I've ever given myself as I am free from unhealthy toxic controlling people I hung onto all in the name of "family."

    I wish you peace, happiness, a rich, full, balanced life, continued success and the gift of awareness and courage to (continue) to see clearly each and every day. I hope you're feeling the love and support from those of us who watched the show and want what's best for you based on what we saw.

    Light & Love to You!

    ~Amy B.

  • Sky

    Sky

    Rachel, My heart goes out to you for experiencing and seeing change. Good Luck & Best Wishes!! P.S I am dying to know what you put into your detox drink !! =^]

    Rachel,
    My heart goes out to you for experiencing and seeing change. Good Luck & Best Wishes!!

    P.S I am dying to know what you put into your detox drink !! =^]

  • Lori W

    Lori W

    Rachel, stay strong &true to yourself - pursue what pleases your soul 💝 God Bless you

    Rachel, stay strong &true to yourself - pursue what pleases your soul 💝 God Bless you

  • laurak

    laurak

    You are a kind, genuine, and loving woman. I hope that you will one day see that you deserve more than CW offers you. Love doesn't lie. Love doesn't control. I understand your need to try and work things out with CW, but I hope you'll see before it's too late that you deserve more! Xo

    You are a kind, genuine, and loving woman. I hope that you will one day see that you deserve more than CW offers you. Love doesn't lie. Love doesn't control. I understand your need to try and work things out with CW, but I hope you'll see before it's too late that you deserve more! Xo

  • JonInCa

    JonInCa

    Rachel - I watched the series with great interest, learning about each person. You are a beautiful lady with a good heart. I hope you were able to learn that a strong voice does not need to be loud or dominant - but that it softly speaks the truth. Only you can make choices about your future and live with them. Us "fans" only hope the best for you. Be strong - Be well. You deserve to share life's path with someone who shares your values.

    Rachel - I watched the series with great interest, learning about each person. You are a beautiful lady with a good heart. I hope you were able to learn that a strong voice does not need to be loud or dominant - but that it softly speaks the truth. Only you can make choices about your future and live with them. Us "fans" only hope the best for you. Be strong - Be well. You deserve to share life's path with someone who shares your values.

  • Beachy

    Beachy

    Rachel, You are so insightful and yes you should have a voice and never be muted~ I am so glad you did the show! But it sounds like you are making excuses~ Please don't do, as I have done :-{ I have lived your life for the past 17+years...invalidated, unheard, manipulated, and unloved! I have been lied to, told to keep everything positive, don't talk about the past, look ahead, NEVER uncover the unseen psychological boundary violations! I could keep writing....there are so many similarities! My life isn't always 100% like this but about 40% of the time it is. Once I shared truth and my perspective, to get to the bottom and uncover these dark areas of my husbands life, in our counseling session....my husband walked out and told the therapist, when he came back 2 weeks later to counseling, 'he was wrong and he was sorry'. But the counselor never addressed the dark issue. Again so many things I could share, neither you or I have the time for. I believe he wants to change for the better~ BUT he always goes back to his same manipulative, emotionally abusive ways! It's kind of sad, it's like he's stuck in a cycle! We have children and probably like you, see glimmers of change, that make us stay with these men. I am Praying for that day, that he once and for all, starts with a clean slate and becomes the man, God created him to be, and not a product of what caused his narcissism! If not that, then the alternative needs to happen, and I will have the courage and financial resources to leave! Until then I endure, and pray~

    Rachel, You are so insightful and yes you should have a voice and never be muted~ I am so glad you did the show!
    But it sounds like you are making excuses~ Please don't do, as I have done :-{

    I have lived your life for the past 17+years...invalidated, unheard, manipulated, and unloved! I have been lied to, told to keep everything positive, don't talk about the past, look ahead, NEVER uncover the unseen psychological boundary violations!
    I could keep writing....there are so many similarities! My life isn't always 100% like this but about 40% of the time it is.

    Once I shared truth and my perspective, to get to the bottom and uncover these dark areas of my husbands life, in our counseling session....my husband walked out and told the therapist, when he came back 2 weeks later to counseling, 'he was wrong and he was sorry'. But the counselor never addressed the dark issue. Again so many things I could share, neither you or I have the time for.

    I believe he wants to change for the better~ BUT he always goes back to his same manipulative, emotionally abusive ways! It's kind of sad, it's like he's stuck in a cycle!

    We have children and probably like you, see glimmers of change, that make us stay with these men.

    I am Praying for that day, that he once and for all, starts with a clean slate and becomes the man, God created him to be, and not a product of what caused his narcissism!
    If not that, then the alternative needs to happen, and I will have the courage and financial resources to leave!
    Until then I endure, and pray~

  • Rachel C

    Rachel C

    Rachel, you are beautiful! Did CW come clean about lying about the drinking and ask for your forgiveness? I hope so. You deserve that and honesty always. Praying blessings for you both and your marriage.

    Rachel, you are beautiful! Did CW come clean about lying about the drinking and ask for your forgiveness? I hope so. You deserve that and honesty always. Praying blessings for you both and your marriage.

  • Bianca Lauren

    Bianca Lauren

    It would have been great if CW also got the same lessons. Maybe watching the episodes on TV will help him see how he is very overpowering. He's not a bad guy we just know how great you are and don't want anyone to hold you back or keep you silent ❤️

    It would have been great if CW also got the same lessons. Maybe watching the episodes on TV will help him see how he is very overpowering. He's not a bad guy we just know how great you are and don't want anyone to hold you back or keep you silent ❤️

  • Sp

    Sp

    Please get out of this toxic relationship and find someone who loves you more than they love themselves. You have the strength already inside you. He is a very manipulative and controlling man, who I believe lied about a lot more of the switch than the producers are showing you. Do the best thing for you and get out.

    Please get out of this toxic relationship and find someone who loves you more than they love themselves. You have the strength already inside you. He is a very manipulative and controlling man, who I believe lied about a lot more of the switch than the producers are showing you. Do the best thing for you and get out.

  • ang

    ang

    Rachel, I commend your opennes and honesty through all of this. And I want the book you keep referring to. I wish so badly we could go get a drink and chat because I feel we could relate! I've been where you are and decided to "unmute myself", and it was rough and we still have some things we are working on but we are on the other side and better for it. However it was rough and ugly at times and not easy to get there. I think the difference is that my spouse somewhat recognized what they were doing. I know that they learned a lot of it from their parents influence growing up. One of those they could see it after but in the moment couldn't stop themselves. There are still some things we are working on because they can't always see it and I can't always explain it. But I will say watching this show and married at first sight and arranged, I've learned some of the language I can use to explain it and it's helped. My spouse also had some anger mangement issues to deal with that went along with this. I thought I could help or change them when these issues came up after we were already pretty committed. Not realizing I was feeding the problems. I truly cannot say that it's all CW or believe he's all bad. I think sometimes we are blinded and don't see the truth in our own faults. But we have to be open to understanding and accepting we make mistakes and can change . I was nervous for you like the others when CW lied to you about the drinking (lyings' not an issue I had) so I prayed that it would be handled properly. He owes you a ridiculous amounts of apologies and work to redeem himself. But I believe if you and he are willing to go through the muck and the work and do it honestly - and deal with the hurt feelings and the arguments - and give each other grace and love - I believe you can make it through this. I feel so odd cause I don't normally comment like this, but I feel such a connection to your situation. I just want you to know you are not alone. hugs and love to you.

    Rachel, I commend your opennes and honesty through all of this. And I want the book you keep referring to. I wish so badly we could go get a drink and chat because I feel we could relate! I've been where you are and decided to "unmute myself", and it was rough and we still have some things we are working on but we are on the other side and better for it. However it was rough and ugly at times and not easy to get there. I think the difference is that my spouse somewhat recognized what they were doing. I know that they learned a lot of it from their parents influence growing up. One of those they could see it after but in the moment couldn't stop themselves. There are still some things we are working on because they can't always see it and I can't always explain it. But I will say watching this show and married at first sight and arranged, I've learned some of the language I can use to explain it and it's helped. My spouse also had some anger mangement issues to deal with that went along with this. I thought I could help or change them when these issues came up after we were already pretty committed. Not realizing I was feeding the problems. I truly cannot say that it's all CW or believe he's all bad. I think sometimes we are blinded and don't see the truth in our own faults. But we have to be open to understanding and accepting we make mistakes and can change . I was nervous for you like the others when CW lied to you about the drinking (lyings' not an issue I had) so I prayed that it would be handled properly. He owes you a ridiculous amounts of apologies and work to redeem himself. But I believe if you and he are willing to go through the muck and the work and do it honestly - and deal with the hurt feelings and the arguments - and give each other grace and love - I believe you can make it through this. I feel so odd cause I don't normally comment like this, but I feel such a connection to your situation. I just want you to know you are not alone. hugs and love to you.

  • Billie K

    Billie K

    We love you Rachel. Don't stay with someone who lies even while promising he's not. Been there, done that. God's Love is with you-- you are enough. Leave him.

    We love you Rachel. Don't stay with someone who lies even while promising he's not. Been there, done that. God's Love is with you-- you are enough. Leave him.

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